It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
