Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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