Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
