Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
