You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
