i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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