I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it glows. i had to have it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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