They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
