pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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