They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize