The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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