Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
