Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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