I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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