Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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