I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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