Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
