Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
