$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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