I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
