I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Come on in and take your pants off
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