We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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