there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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