Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
