it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
