What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
