NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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