so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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