You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
