watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
