he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
