you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
