I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
