if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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