I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
