awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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