brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
