Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
