yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
