o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
