bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
