Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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