His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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