Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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