my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
