just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
