too bad you live with your parents still
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
