I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
