I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
