The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
