Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
