Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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