so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
