I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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