Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
