Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
