he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
