it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
