the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
