I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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