How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
