The best revenge is premature balding
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I will be naked everywhere
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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