It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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