my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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