Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
